Overcoming Orgasm: What’s Preventing Your Pleasure?
The lights are dimmed, the music is playing, and you’re
almost there,
almost there…
ALMOST-
Ugh, and it’s gone.
Many people struggle with mental blocks that prevent them from crossing the “O” finish line.
It can lead to shame, doubt, embarrassment, frustration, performance anxiety, and so much more.
So what do we do?
Unmasking the Barriers to Bliss
First, let’s talk about the usual suspects that can stand between you and orgasming.
- Stress or anxiety - Are deadlines plaguing your mind? Finances, childcare, chores or family conflict are the LAST things you want to think about when you’re in bed.
- Body image issues - Low self-esteem and poor body image can be a major distraction during intimate moments.
- Trauma - Past experiences can leave significant scars and can resurface emotionally and physically when you’re getting intimate.
- Performance pressure - Sex is not like porn; maybe you feel like you have to last or like you have to cum to have good sex.
- Relationship issues - Maybe your partner is getting under your skin, or you’re still not past a fight; either way, a lack of emotional connection can make physical connection a challenge.
- Lack of sex education - not knowing your body or what gets you off can make it hard to guide yourself (and your partner) to orgasm.
Unlocking Paths to Pleasure
Great! We’ve identified the cause,
so how do we fix it?
Mindfulness and affirmations
Helps with anxiety, performance pressure, stress, body image and trauma.
Mindfulness is tried and true, and you can start by practising outside the bedroom.
- Meditation, breathing exercises or yoga: Once you get comfortable and in a routine, you can bring mindfulness into your sex life. Start by looking up videos on YouTube to help guide you.
- Get it out on paper: If you’re worried about chores and so on, make a to-do list before you have sex. That way, you can check everything off, so there is no second guessing about whether you’ve run the dishwasher or paid the bills.
- Experiment with tantric sex: Tantra is a great way to connect with yourself and your partner, and we have a great guide on how to do it.
- Daily affirmations: Daily words of love and positivity to yourself can restore confidence and self-worth.
Sensate Focus
Helps with communication, body image and performance pressure.
Sensate Focus helps partners get closer and communicate better about sex.
It’s perfect for easing sexual performance anxiety and breaking away from ingrained goal-oriented habits.
Take turns exploring each other's bodies without the goal of orgasm and shift focus on things other than genitals.
Self Exploration
Helps with body image, trauma and performance pressure.
Knowledge is power! Learning about your anatomy, desires and sexual response can be liberating. It helps bring in confidence, reduces anxiety and can help you fall in love with your body again.
Spend time on solo sessions and find out what feels good and what you like. Explore and don’t shy away from using sex toys!
Communication
Helps with relationship issues and performance issues.
It can be hard to talk about sex, but it is necessary for a sex life to flourish!
During sex, tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t.
Do they need to move a little to the left?
Use more tongue?
Add another finger?
If you don’t tell them, they won’t know.
If you have trouble starting the conversation, you can use fun games that allow you to discuss taboo topics or everyday things like fantasies, intimacy and more.
Role-play can also help shift the focus on something other than orgasm and spice things up with costumes and accessories.
Therapy
Helps with all things!
Seeing a therapist is nothing to be ashamed of, and there are therapists for everything.
Therapy can help with communication, anxiety, trauma and any other issues you might have inside and outside the bedroom.
The Final Takeaway
The journey to orgasm can be a tough one that blends both the mind and the body.
By addressing your mental blocks and following the fixes, you can enrich not just sex but every aspect of your life!
So take deep breaths, let go of expectations, and start this journey with an open heart and curious mind.
Happy Exploring!
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